Thursday, July 15, 2010

They'll Call Me Freedom.

Life is rough.

I have so much to say but
don't want to say any of it.

My birthday is this Sunday.
There are so many thoughts when a year of life comes to a close.
I have written words upon words upon words.
And lived hours upon hours upon hours.
And hurt and prayed and listened and cried and fought and sat in silence.

This past year has been so full and heartbreaking and life shattering.

I often think about my life and what the heck is honestly going on in it.

I've never lived a normal, white picket fence life.
I've lived too much in some eyes and not enough in my own.
I don't like pink and flowers make me gag.
Don't call me sweetie.

Give me the streets, the broken and bruised.
The homeless and searching.
The dirty the wounded the beaten down.
The doubters, the liars, the whores.
Because I am them and they are us.

It's been a hard summer.
One I didn't expect.
And I've doubted.
And temptations have screamed louder then ever.
But today and tomorrow and hopefully the next day I will choose freedom.
I will choose the less traveled road again and again and again.
Because I have well considered my life, these years I've been graciously given to live
and the dreams and hopes and thoughts I had.
The adventures I planned and the babies I had named.

And not one of those things has come to be yet.
At least not in the way I thought they'd come to be.

I am so thankful.
And grateful.
And today I am hopeful.
Because I am alive.

And Jesus is not done.
He will finish what was started.
And this is only the beginning.
And I must trust in those words.
I must cling to that Truth.

I look forward to this next year.
Because Jesus is already there.
Calling me to freedom.
to life.
to love deeper then I've known.
to rescue.
to adventures.
to better friendships.
to hope.

Life will be good.
Life is good.
He is faithful.
And calling me.

how sweet the sound.