Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Live Forever.

If I could give these girls one thing,
I'd give them the gift of seeing themselves how I see them.
Such magical explosions of beauty that scream across my heart every time I see them or hear their voice.
They are possible.
They are pure.
They are REAL.
But I'd rather for them to see how Jesus sees them.
They would only be able to respond in radical freedom if that gift was given.


I don't know how I got to this season.
Why I ended up in the world at this hour with the heart I have.
So many things to process, such madness swimming thru my mind.
But one thing I can be so grateful for is this gift.
The gift of these girls and the grace to love them.

I guess I have something to say and they have ears that want to hear.

I heard this song this past weekend.
And I am so in love with the words.
I would sing this to them every night if I could:

Laughter is the only thing that will keep you sane.
This world is dying more and more everyday.
Don't let evil get you down in this madness spinning round and round.

I want you to live forever
underneath the sky so blue.

Some people say faith is a childish game.
Well play on children like it's Christmas day.
Sing me a song,
Sing me a melody
You can sing out loud cause you're a symphony.
Take courage when the road is long.
Don't ever forget that you're never alone.

I want you to live forever.

to be alive for forever.
with me and you and Us.
for forever, for always.
they do exist and we can live there.

never alone.
never a part.
never left.
never those things for forever.

let's live forever.
it can be done.

it must be done.
but the choice is yours.
and I say CHOOSE LIFE.
choose forever Somewhere.

somewhere together,
with Us and them and me.
laughter forever.
love forever.
be forever.

I hope you live forever.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


I feel as tho I carry the weight of a thousand lifetimes in my heart.
Every story I hear, every burden I connect with,
every moment where I am mysteriously joined to that person or situation.
Those never leave me.

I am so young.
but my eyes have seen
and my ears have heard
and my hands have done
enough to fill book after book after book.

I carry such deep burdens, it's hard to explain.

I drove home in the cover of darkness.
I was overcome with such tears.
For someone I didn't know.
My heart is broken and begging.

I am so sad at the darkness that they exist in.

All these memories and stories and pictures run thru my mind.
the emotions involved, the heartache, the confusion.
the quiet desperation.
the drugs that cover it all.

we are so young.
and we've been exposed to so much.
sometimes my heart is violently ripped open.
I don't know where my story starts and yours ends.
I identify with every word you say.
every thing to your story, it becomes mine as well.

I feel calm.
but inside
deep inside.
where only the mysteries of You live.
where I don't even know exist.
There are aches.
deep aches, that slowly come to the surface.
and tears begin to flow.
but not for me.
no not for me.

for you.

Sometimes I ache for you instead.
because there is this serious wound.
deep down in the depths.
and when it is brushed or touched or thought of
I am overcome.
a blessed wound.

what a joyful thing.

I feel the weight of a thousand lifetimes.

I don't understand a lot.
but this I know too well.

I often feel too young and reckless to step into this.
But when people's pain and sin
are splattered on the canvas of my heart
I cannot do nothing.

something I am doing.
this wrecks my heart.
this pain and sin.
but I will stand under the weight.
Because this is nothing compared to the heaviness that was once given.

when all the weight and pain was placed on one Man.

so if I am supposed to carry one other's I can.
by grace and strength.
even tho it feels like a thousand other's.

I have become nauseously aware.

tho I am thankful.
because it dares me to move.

have you ever felt the pain of someone else's heart?
or life?
it's messy.
and gut wrenching.

but I am hopeful.
even in the darkness that surrounds us.

and I have to understand that things might get worse.
situations might get heavier.
hearts may become more dark.
and this pain will probably increase.

I could choose to step away.
To say no and try to forget.
But you cannot erase with you know.
the conscience is a precious machine.

but I have to trust that it's ok.
it's going to be alright.
there is an End and I will reach it.

and you will be by my side.