Wednesday, August 26, 2009

God & Brownies.

I feel like that could be the title to a book.
A few weekends ago I had a couple girls from my cabin at camp spend the night.

We had a full night. There was tons of laughing and a lot of talking.
Some tears but many reassuring words spoken.
We sat in a circle on the floor. We were huddling under blankets as they talked
about life after coming home from camp.

It had been difficult for most of them. They missed being in the cabin every night
talking about their day. They missed being surrounding by people who loved them.
But what they mostly missed was talking about God.
They missed feeling Him so close.

We discussed why we felt that when we experience God and then leave that certain place we sometimes feel like we are leaving Him there as well.

I looked around the room and my heart was so full. I felt so in tune with their hearts, their feelings, their thoughts. Understanding was so thick.
These are such little girls. They are so new to the world.
And some have already seen that the world doesn't care how old they are it will throw it's hardest punches as soon as it can.

We decided to make brownies. And without anyone really saying anything we all got on the counter. I have a huge island and a lot of counter space so we all fit.
So we mixed the brownies and all ate a few bites before we cooked them!

It was ridiculous but so funny. We were just being kids.

I thought in that moment that I bet Jesus was laughing.
I'm sure His heart was as full if not fuller then mine.

The morning came too soon. After they left I sat down and made them all journals of their own.
I wrote them each something on the first page:

I told them that if this is the purpose we are to serve, living life with each other, knowing Him and knowing each other, thinking, laughing, breaking rules...
then it is a purpose I am so grateful to be called to do.

We must respond to Him, girls.

A few days ago I was talking with one of them.
We were talking about life and it's meaning.
She laughed and said, "it's God and brownies."

What a crazy precious life I am living at the moment.
I am so grateful for this time in my life.
Feeling very humbled and extremely blessed.

God is so good.
so purposeful.
so right.
so Beautiful.
so true to His word.
so fun.


Monday, August 24, 2009

I want.

I want to sleep beside an ocean tonight. I want to be more awake then I am. I want to see Love more clearly. I want to know that I am not alone. I want to get married. I want to hold a baby. I want to have more rings on my fingers. I want to speak right to your heart. I want to write and write and write. I want to birth dreams and beautiful thoughts into the world. I want to have homework. I want to see what's really going on. I want to cry so hard. I want to hear His voice. I want to run my fingers thru running water. I want to watch the sun rise on the highest rooftop in this city. I want to hang out with you. I want to know what's going on in your life. I want to see into your heart. I want to understand what I see. I want to be held. I want to be understood. I want to not have to explain myself. I want to work in a rehab center. I want to sleep under a bridge. I want to live in the depths of New York city. I want to run and never tire. I want to listen to music all day. I want to be wiser. I want to have the ability to heal hearts. I want to speak healing over others. I want to have millions upon millions of dollars and give it all away. I want nothing to do with gaining more possessions. I want pictures to cover my walls. I want to paint every day. I want time to no longer exist. I want to give myself completely to another person with no fear. I want to never question His calling on this life given to me. I want to seek and find. I want to truly see the depths of myself... maybe I don't. I want to break into a million pieces and go everywhere. I want to live in true freedom. I want to feel Him closer then I ever have. I want this ache to consume all of our souls. I want this ache to urge us to seek His face. I want to sleep peacefully. I want control. I want to be a sacrifice. I want to see more. I want to bring This closer to their hearts then ever before. I want to not be thought less of. I want for you to know that we are in this together. I want to simply live. I want to simply love. I want to simply come to Him.

I want to simply be.