Monday, February 23, 2009

But by the grace of God, I am what I am.

I gave you my heart in exchange for a brand new start.
Lord then you made me clean and set my apart.
You see I was in the dark but He's the bright and morning star.
Oh with Your amazing grace You put a smile on my face.
Died on a cross but He rose again, dipped me in His blood and washed away my sins.



I will always remember that morning. I was 19 years old.
I was angry and wanted absolutely nothing to do with 'love'.
I had had enough run-ins with 'love' that I cynically laughed when people talked about it.
I was writing in my journal sitting at the table in my dorm room.
I started writing about Jesus' love. I had always believed in it but never believed it for myself.
Yeah, love was for everyone BUT me.

And then it happened as soon as I started writing. This overwhelming joy & confidence flooded over me.
I was laughing and my hands were shaking I had to stop writing.
In that moment I felt loved. I knew Jesus was ripping open heaven and drowning me in His love.

After I stopped laughing I was in shock. My heart was pierced.
I felt a huge rush of purpose in my life.

I will forever proclaim Your Love.
I will forever live for this very person, Love.
I will never give up on Love.

3 years since then I have not stopped.
It's been the hardest 3 years of my life.
But Love has always won.

The 'rewards' here on earth are few.
My heart has certainly been ripped apart more times then I care to count.
But that's the risk you take in living such a vulnerable life.

I will give ANYTHING for you to feel this Love.
To experience Love in its purest form is a life changing event.
Yes, I stumble and still doubt when all I see is darkness.
But I have to remind myself of this purpose.
This purpose that saved my life.

TO LOVE.

Tonight as I speak to that room full of kids I might get choked up.
I might even stand with tears streaming down my face.
But I do not care.
Love breaks my heart. It causes me to cry tears of humbleness and joy.


At the end of my talk I'll be playing this video.
I pray it has full effect on the hearts of these kids.



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1 comment:

Amy & Justin Perry said...

Nice title to this post:) haha. Love you! ~Amy