I'm so forgetful but You always remind me.
So I come to tell you I love you.
To tell You I need you.
To tell You there's no better place for me then in Your arms.
I'm sorry for running in circles,
for placing my focus on the waves not on Your face.
You're the only one who brings me peace.

In the midst of troubles I always try to keep my mind busy.
I don't want to dwell on the circumstances.
This is often more of a problem then helpful.
I think others call it denial?
haha.
anyway, I've been keeping myself busy and trying to focus on right things.
But I think more often then not I even keep myself busy from Jesus.
I ignore the whisper to settle down and listen.
The little signs thru out the day to be still.
I keep pushing forward trying to get thru this season or mess as quickly as possible.

A few days ago we went to a small town festival. There was a lot of things to see. Some really good, free snacks [that we took total advantage of] and cool photo opportunities.
We were walking around and something caught my eye. It was written on the back of the stage not in clear view. I read it, then re read it. Then let it sink in.



Thank You for reminding me.


Every morning I read a book called God Calling.
Simply stated this is what I read yesterday morning:

You must trust to the end. You must be ready to go on trusting to the last hour. You must know even when you cannot see... You must be ready, like My servant Abraham, to climb that Hill of Sacrifice, to go to the very last moment, before you see My Deliverance.
This final test has to come to all who walk by Faith. You must rely on Me alone. Look to no other arm, look for no other help. Trust in the Spirit Forces of the Unseen, not in those you see. Trust and fear not.

..

I survived Roe vs. Wade.

On Sunday a few of the girls wanted to take me to a french bakery for lunch.
It was very crowded. We found a little table in the back room.
Families dressed for church surrounded us on all sides.

The conversation started about an unwed celebrity in the media who is supposedly pregnant with her second baby.
One of the girls made the remark, "I wonder if she thought of having an abortion."
"She probably did." I said.

The girls asked me what I thought and what an abortion actually is.
I put down my water and told them what I knew.
The look on their faces were of complete horror and disgust.
"I had no idea." was one of the responses.

We finished and went home but this conversation has stayed with me longer.
I picked up a book called Pro Life Answers to Pro choice Arguments.
It is amazing. It's so black and white in this trying-to-be gray world.
It has caused me to think...

When all of our protesting and prayers and arguments are finally answered with a resounding YES ABORTION IS NOW ILLEGAL what are we gonna do?
Because, people who love Jesus, there is going to be a lot of babies born to women who do not want them.
What are we gonna do?
We need to get prepared.
Are we gonna sit back down and say, Amen! finally our cries have been heard and then do nothing?
Or are we gonna go back out and open our homes to foster babies, or give money to adoption agencies to help families who don't have the money to adopt.
Will you open your home to the women whose boyfriend kicks her out because she is choosing to have the baby instead of just killing it?
The stats show that if only 7% of 'christians' would adopt there would be no orphans in the world.

How are you being Pro Life instead of just saying that you are?

Once our cries have been heard and the genocide that's happening to these innocent lives is stopped there is going to be a bunch of other issues that come up and we need to be prepared to deal with them.

When Roe vs. Wade was put into practice the odds were against me to be born alive.
And for most of my generation they didn't make it.
Who knows, my best friend or future husband could of been killed.
And that makes me very angry.

so, Thanks Mom. Thank you for letting me live and making me a survivor.
I'm so thankful I'm alive. Even in the bad times I'm glad I'm here at this time.



and I'm thankful these crazy girls made it too :]
life would be awfully different without them.

..

healing rain.

"I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing." -The Shack.

I've only lived here a week so far but most kids know my name and I'm starting to link faces to names, names to stories and stories to wounds.

Last night was the first Young Life club I attended.
They spoke about this Jesus guy and how He showed compassion to a woman caught in the act.
Everyone was curious as to what Jesus actually wrote in the sand before He spoke to her accusers. And I bet as He leaned down to write in the sand beside the naked ashamed woman He wrote: watch this.
And with that then turned and completely blew everyone away showing her Love and Compassion.

After that we all went to Taco Bueno. As we were in the parking lot talking with a few kids it started to down pour. They all started to run inside when myself and another girl stayed out there running around playing.
When everyone saw what we were doing they all came back out!
There was about 20 kids all together out there totally soaked.
It was so fun!

After the rain calmed down and everyone was getting freezing cold we went inside and had some awesome tacos.
But as I was sitting there watching all the kids tell their stories of what happened in the rain and who fell in what puddle and that they drove their parents car tonight and will be killed when they take it home totally wet.. I thought of something.

This is ministry.

Living life with these kids. Everyday in and out building relationships with the broken and hurting. The kids who would never tell you what's actually going on at home but you can see it in their eyes. The kids who don't want to be thrown a bible story but just listened to.
They want to be loved but they would never tell you that.
They just want someone to come along side of them and live life.
I believe that's where we're here to do.
When the kids experience heartache and embarrassment we turn to them and say: hey watch this. As we show them acceptance and mercy & how Jesus can really change things.
If we aren't showing it to them, who is?

I heard it said somewhere that we are suppose to hold our hands against the bleeding wounds of the world.
It's a messy job but the healing to come is worth it.

love like it's worth the pain.

..

that's a bold move.

I had the meeting with Cody, the Young Life leader.
It went extremely well.
This guy loves Jesus intensely.

He is really excited to get me involved with the kids.
I'm really excited too. It seems perfect.
Exactly the type of hands on ministry I want to get involved in.

I'll be going to the high school homecoming football game this friday.
They want me to meet more of the kids there.
I'll be sure and take pictures.

He asked why I moved here and I said I wanted to get closer to the girls and just live life with them.
He kind of laughed and said "Well that's a pretty bold move, moving out here all by yourself."

Yeah, I guess it is.

plans for tonight: watch the debate with some of the girls.
and hopefully The Office. only ONE girl here watches it...
I was shocked. haha.

goodnight.

..

come and listen.

"Let me tell you what He has done for me
[what] He has done for you
[what] He has done for us"

I'm finally here. It's almost strange how I've simply fit into this city. I already could give you directions if you got lost here. I think that is in part due to my some what photographic memory.

a few nights ago the girls took me to Taco Bueno to see all of their friends.
that was quite the scene. haha.
I met with the Young Life leader for the schools here in town and we are having a meeting this week.
He said he would love for me to help out.

I've picked up on a lil bit of spanish, since I live with a Hispanic family.

I've been able to talk with some girls since I've arrived.
they are very open to letting me listen to them and get involved in their lives.
that is a huge blessing that I pray continues.

I'm hopeful and scared.
I wonder if Jesus was ever those at the same time as well?

everything is coming together.
life is a terrible beautiful mess.
but one that I am thankful to have.

& i miss these ones very much...


..